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Its weird that goldfish will eat other goldfish but wont eat goldfish crackers. Life sure is complicated sometimes.
I want to give up coffee, but I`d hate to do that to my coworkers.
I`ve taken my kids all over the country, but their favorite place to be is still "in the way."
Half the lies they tell about me aren`t true
It`s weird how after they couldn`t put Humpty Dumpty back together the King`s men were like "Let`s give the horses a shot at it"
Apparently you have to go to the gym more than once to get in shape, what the heck.
If you can read this please let me know – because it means I blocked the wrong person.
My goal is to move just enough each day that no one pokes me to see if I`m dead.
if truth is what u want...in return alcohol is all I want...
The pharmacist asked me my birthday again today. Pretty sure she`s going to get me something.
Monday: A terrible way to spend 1/7 of your life.
I`d hit that. - women drivers
I get paid to be nice at work. Not sure why my family and friends expect that for free.
Self checkout must have been invented by a guy who had to buy tampons.
My ex-girlfriend broke up with me because she says I was obsessed with football. I was shocked. I mean we were together for 3 1/2 seasons.