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How can so many movies be “based on real events” when no one farts?
When I die and I`m standing at the gates, I hope they give me the carpenter`s cup challenge from Indiana Jones. I`m totally ready for that one.
I bought some shoes of a drug dealer, I don`t know what he laced them with but I`ve been tripping all day.
Remember years ago when we didn`t have facebook and we had to take pictures of our food and get the film developed at the chemist get all your friends round your house and show them what you have been eating ...the good old days
When your life flashes before your eyes does that include the black outs? That`d be cool. Like your life but with never before seen footage.
So far my bracket is perfect! I can`t wait to fill the rest of it in.
This morning I got in touch with my inner self. And that`s also the last time I`ll buy cheap toilet paper...
the `real` me doesnt do facebook
A lie is just a great story that someone ruined by telling the truth.
Scientists are adding an extra second to the year 2015. Yeah. Here`s the bad news. You just wasted it reading this post.
I didn`t see anyone important today so I`m going to wear the same clothes tomorrow.
Nothing says you are ugly like Facebook asking ``Are you sure you want to make this your profile picture?``
It`s not condescending if they`re stupid.
Well, it`s about that time of the day when I stop hitting the snooze button, wipe away the drool, open the blinds, and head on home from work.
My psychiatrist told me I need to love myself more. I was like, "damn doc I`m already up to 3 times a day"