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I don’t want to sound racist, but all stormtroopers look the same to me.
I`d rather run into the four horsemen of the apocalypse than a group of women out on a "girls` night."
Its not my fault if I blame everyone for my mistakes...right?
I`m a wealth of knowledge ... Unless you want it to be true, then I`m pretty solid on about 6 topics ... 2 of those might just be Doritos flavors
Sometimes I wish that I could put my wife on airplane mode.
I get you, anti-evolution people. I`m too lazy to learn science too.
Drinking: because why not intensify the feelings you`re trying to escape?
“Taking candy from a baby” would actually be a responsible thing to do.
It’s actually the voices outside my head that bothers me the most
I`ve found the most effective way to get an attractive guy to fall for me is by simply using my charm... and then a stun gun.
I`m glad it`s the thought that counts because I spend all day thinking about the sh!t I should be doing.
The best thing about living in the southern U.S. is that "He needed killing" is a valid legal defense.
Whenever I watch the TV show Friends, I imagine I`m the seventh friend, Dirk, who just stays home while all his friends do stuff without him.
I just realized that I haven`t done the "Hockey Pokey" in over 10 years. I guess when you get older, you just forget what it`s all about.
<-- Is my name! Isn`t it awesome!?