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What does Miley Cyrus have for dinner on Christmas? Twerky :`)
I think the guy who invented the word kumquats should have gotten to name more stuff!
Today`s Generation: "Omg my parents never let me have anything." via iPhone
My first crush was in kindergarten. I instantly knew I was doomed when she colored Neatly and Perfectly inside every line with a smug, superior smile
Admit it, you have that one voice that you only use on animals and babies.
Go ahead, judge me. Wait, let me get my bat first. Alright, I`m ready now.
I like confusing kids by telling them I`m older than the internet
I have said it before. I will at it again. If anyone is into wife swapping. I will take a dirtbike or a puppy. Hit me up.
There are 2 kinds of people I can’t stand: Nosy people, and people who won’t tell me what in the hell is going on.
I am hungry 25 hours a day
Word to the wise - make sure the phone is 100% hung up before you call someone an a$$hole.
Depending on the boob, the Bra is either the best or worst invention ever.
Girl: What color are my eyes? Guy: 34D.
take a left on crazy, keep going until you hit insane. Follow that down to lunatic, turn right on insomnia, way past retarded and there you are @ my place!
Have you ever realized that sleeping is just your eyes staring at your eyelids all night long?