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I hate it when people come to MY house, knock on MY door then have the nerve to ask me why I`m not wearing pants.
For your anniversary, if your wife asks for something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in 3 seconds...don`t get her a bathroom scale. Just sayin"
Yadot rorrim eht fo edis gnorw eht no pu ekow I. (I woke up on the wrong side of the mirror today.)
I just started dating a homeless girl and it`s great! When I take her home, I can drop her off anywhere I want.
Every novel is a mystery novel if you never finish it
I`m late on the give thanks every day in November thing... so let me catch up. Days 1-22. I`m thankful for boobs
You just dont know how dumb you are until you get a little smarter
My internet is so slow, it`s just faster to drive to the Google headquarters and ask them in person.
If I owned an auto collision shop, I’d name it “Auto Correct.”
its not the up`s and down`s that bring you down...its the jerks!!
I`m just wondering what the employees at the Weather Channel make small talk about.
Why is there an eject button on the DVD remote? You still have to get up & take the disc out. It`s like having a remote to open the fridge.
Sometimes, the light at the end of the tunnel is just a lost guy with a flashlight.
And Jesus said, those footprints on the beach where two sets become one, that`s where I unfollowed you.
Things that don`t kill bees: 1. Furniture polish 2. Febreeze 3. Butter 4. Screaming