Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My wife is going to the hair salon today so for the next few hours I will be practising my reaction.
Dogs lick each other`s butts to tell each other they like them. Just like politicians
Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you`ll get if you`re able to "fall asleep right now."
Sometimes I mop the carpet just so my wife doesn`t ask me to help with stuff.
It took me quite some time to be this good a procrastinator
Goodnight, good people - and nite nite to the naughty ones too!
Every snack you make, every meal you bake, every bite you take, I`ll be watching you. - Dog
Just once I want to see a car with one woman sticker and twelve cat stickers.
You´re never too old to learn something stupid.
I`m not saying my ex wasn`t pretty, but every time my wallet got stolen the thief would return her picture.
Relationship status: Just kissed my cat and he got up and moved to the other end of the couch.
I`m starting to think that adult supervision is a myth. In fact, my eyes seem to be getting worse.
"You suck! No, you suck!!" - Two women in a threesome
Slipped on black ice today, I thought it was regular ice at first, but when I stood up, my wallet was gone.
Paperclips: The staple for people with commitment issues.