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The first rule of selfie club should be to clean your room.
7 billion people on the planet and I can only tolerate maybe 10.
I believe in magic because it`s the only way to explain how fitted sheets get folded.
One man`s trash is another man`s profile picture.
Whenever I see a hot girl on the streets I`m like HOLY CRAP I`M OUTSIDE.
English = Hello. Spanish = Hola. French = Bonjour. Japanese = Konnichiwa. Chinese = Nî Hâo. Italian = Ciao. Me = Sup B*tches.
"That wasn`t chicken in the Chow Mein" I`d make a great Fortune Cookie writer.
What`s the nutritional value of an entire tube of cherry Chapstick? Asking for my two year old.
he who laughs last thinks slow
Went for a mile run today. Stupid Ice Cream Man just kept driving even though I was waving my money in the air!
Jogging backwards because I`m trying to gain a little weight
I don`t post a lot of personal statuses - but when I do it`s all about you ..
The grass is always greener where the bodies are buried.
Isn’t it funny how people that talk too much also have annoying voices?
"I love you unconditionally*." -God *certain terms and conditions apply. See Bible for more details.