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Cranked the treadmill up to MAX for 15 minutes. When I finally took a break my roller skates were hot to the touch.
Sh!t`s spiraling out of control and I`m all like "wheeeee."
I wonder if Oscar the Grouch has a hipster cousin somewhere that lives in a recycling bin.
I can`t even tell what this thing in my fridge use to be.
Waiter: Would u like ur coffee black sir? Me: What other colors do u have?
I`m just going to put an "Out of Order" sticker on my forehead and call it a day.
that song on your iPod that you always skip but never delete.
No Girlfriend November was a success, now for Don`t Date December, Just Me January, Forever Alone February, No Match March..... I got this.
Women say they love nerds until you whip out your Pokemon cards.
I should eat more healthy, but we all saw how that whole apple thing went for Adam & Eve.
I`ve been working on losing weight, I was doing Jenny Craig for awhile........till her husband found out (<>..<>)
Im not fat I´m just easier to see
I wonder if Earth makes fun of the Moon for having no life.
You can`t make everyone happy, so just concentrate on me.
I hate people who take drugs ... Customs for example.