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Modern video games are giving kids unrealistic standards of how many swords they can carry at one time.
I went for a run today. What the hell is wrong with you people why would you do this to yourself you need help.
Wanna screw with your idiot friends on Facebook? Post that Obama passed a law to stay in office a third term this morning. Praise Jesus.
Saying “sounds good” is probably the nicest way to abruptly end a conversation.
My day at work wasn`t easy, I just made it look that way!
Cut out the middleman and just list 911 as your emergency contact.
Is running in front of cars some sort of gang initiation for squirrels?
Trust me ...... I can`t believe I`m still here either.
It`s not condescending if they`re stupid.
The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.
I`ve never gone to bed with an ugly woman. Woken up to a whole bunch of them though.
People were shocked when they found I wasn`t a good electrician. :-)
The cop said it was an outstanding warrant, dad! And you said I`d never amount to anything...
Marrying your high school sweetheart is like taking the banker`s first offer on Deal or No Deal.
You´re just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!