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I thought the movie `fast & furious` was about my sex life. I`m fast, my wife is furious.
I`m glad people are exercising but I want to see cooler activities posted on FB. Like "I spent 1 hour wrestling a bear. 110 calories burned."
I prefer to call it a “Ta-Da” list. Cause it’d be amazing if I actually accomplished anything on it.
I found the "one" today! Surprisingly, It`s been on my keyboard all the time.
My grandparents still use encyclopedias to google stuff.
It is a sad day when you go to all the trouble of getting a Frontal Lobotomy and no one notices.....................
Dear Stomach: You`re bored, not hungry. Shut up.
"I want to marry a smart, rich, and beautiful woman. But I don`t feel like getting married 3 times." - Hesam Ebrahim
"Half a dozen" because saying `6` is way too long...
I love the gym this time of year. The newbies make me look like a Victoria Secret model.
I hate to rub it in, but lotion doesn`t really work otherwise.
roes are red violets are blue he`s for me not for you if for any chance you`ll take my place i`ll use my fist and smash your face
There is a 3-for-2 sale in my local shoe shop. I almost bought myself a new pair of shoes, but couldn`t decide whether to get an extra left or a right one as part of the offer....
Whoever made up the saying "It`s the thought that counts" never got a pair of crocs for Christmas.
You find it offensive?... I find it funny.... That`s why I`m happier than you