Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The speed at which I can prepare food during a commercial break is amazing.
WORST.... APOCALYPSE..... EVER.....
I sometimes goto Starbucks for coffee and tell them my name is Bueller ... Then leave before my coffe is ready
I laid awake all night again worrying about why I’m always so tired.
I forgot to make a resolution, so I`m pretty much going to just write out everything I did last night and add the word "stop" to the beginning.
As often as I lose lighters and sunglasses, it`s a good thing I never had kids. Or did I?
So many feelings today. Mostly hunger.
I just found if you tuck one part of a pants leg into your sock,,,, people expect less of you.
Instead of “single” as a relationship option, it should read “independently owned and operated”
The reason grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup are such a great combination is because they are the same basic ingredients as pizza.
I thought there`d be more sex during my sexual prime.
A good thing about dating a vegan is that you could kill 2 birds with 1 stone, when you buy flowers because they`re also a snack for later.
Bicyclists, it`s one thing to hog the road, but it`s quite another to expect us to know your fancy hand signals. Also, I can see your balls.
I only have one word for women who look at me like I’m some kind of sex object ... Hi.
Social Media: Because I like to socialize with cool people without having to speak, wear pants or get off the couch.