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“Nevermind.” Translation: You should’ve listened the first time.
We laughed, we cried, we tried another credit card.
It should be standard for wedding invitations to state if there will be an open bar or not.
My age is very inappropriate for my behavior.
When I become president I will make Monday a part of the weekend.
People keep asking me what my resolutions are, like they can`t see I`m already perfect...
My phone just changed, `calendar` to `cake radar` and now I really wish I had that.
Never underestimate a girl’s ability to find things out.
Wife: Hi honey, did you miss me? Husband: With every bullet so far...
I call it a Cupcake Salad. And I don`t see how it`s any of your business.
i`m my own therapist...which explains so much.
My house is not a mess. It`s just that everything is on display for your viewing pleasure. Like a museum.
Adulthood is basically sadness and paying bills.
I use sarcasm because flat out telling you you’re a moron is considered inappropriate and is frowned upon. And I was raised better than that.
wishes that more people would declare thumb wars these days. I`m sure that all this texting has prepared my thumb muscles for battle.