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Slut: desirable woman who has sex with someone other than yourself.
Wouldn`t it be ironical to die in a living room?
I bet it’s pretty hard at a mime’s funeral to figure out when the moment of silence is over.
There`s both a McDonald`s and a blood pressure machine at our Walmart. Circle of life.
Save electricity! Would you like it if someone turned you on and then left?
havung sex in a elevator is wrong on so many levels....no mattet what floor your on
If money cant buy happiness,explain beer!
Im at my classiest when my neighbor catches me begging my dog to sh!t faster because it`s cold.
People often say laughter is the best medicine, but they neglect to mention that an overdose can cause one’s ass to fall off.
I Got so Drunk Last Night ,.I Walked Across the Dance Floor to Get Another Drink, and I Won the DANCE COMPETITION...!!
I hate it when auto-correct changes my "omg" to "OMG" like, chill out, I`m not that surprised.
I don’t just act crazy, I’ll drive you there too.
Life is like a burrito. If you fill it with too many things it falls apart and then you cry and they kick you out of Chipotle.
Saw a wasp in a spider web and I don`t know who to root for.
Elevators are so stupid. They have a button for the floor I`m already on.