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I`m not sure where you learned to whisper but I`m guessing inside a helicopter surrounded by f*cking chainsaws.
Feeling bored? Go to a clothing store and put "one size fits all" stickers on the bras.
The only correct answer to "Are you ticklish?" is "I have explosive diarrhea right now,"
I’m tired of things costing money.
I don`t know what is longer. A microwave minute or a treadmill minute.
I`m great in bed....i can sleep for days.
Dating a woman in 5 easy steps: 1. Be attentive 2. Don`t be too attentive 3. Show interest 4. Don`t show too much interest 5. Seek therapy
Guys are like bears, if you lay very still they’ll paw at you a bit then give up and go look for food.
When butterflies fall in love, do they feel humans in their stomachs.
I read an article the other day that said if you drink every day you are an alcoholic. Thank God I only drink every night.
This debate episode has to be the craziest Celebrity Apprentice I`ve ever seen!
We all have that one friend who needs to learn how to whisper
Day Light savings this weekend is pissing me off, we will lose a hour we will never get back...........wait...thinkin`.....I guess we do....carry on...
I have learned from watching crime dramas on tv when the good guys yell "Federal Agents" at the bad guys, the bad guy always runs. Wouldn`t it be smarter to yell "Prize Patrol" if you really want to catch a bad guy?
Dear small line of dirt that wont go in the dustpan… Screw you.