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I`m super lazy today! Which is like normal lazy, but I`m also wearing a cape.
I thought about going outside and doing something today but my Wi-Fi really doesn`t reach very far.
I bet the hardest part of working the poison control hotline is not finishing your sentences with "...you ignorant dumbass"
Yoga pants are just push up bras for your butt.
If you like to make love while listeninag to music, always choose live album. ..That way you`ll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes. :)
Why can’t they make the whole week out of Saturdays?
People who wait 4 hours to reply to my text with "lol" should be shot.
My neighbor`s facebook movie is just a montage of me caught on surveillance video, stealing his newspaper every morning.
If you can’t be a good example, then you’l just have to serve as a horrible warning
More people should be at a loss for words.
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes and sighing heavily and crossing her arms and holding in a fart.
Adam Levine beating me out for sexiest man contest is complete bullsh*t.
People in sleeping bags are the soft tacos of the bear world.
I’m always disappointed when a liar’s pants don’t actually catch on fire.
Facebook ~ redefining "friendship" one booby pic at a time. ;)