Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Someone cut in front of me in the salad bar line today. I didn`t do anything because anyone who wants a salad that badly terrifies me.
When I`m bored, nobody texts me. But as soon as I`m busy, BAM! ... still nobody texts me.
WARNING. Content on my Facebook page may offend. But I don`t f*cking care
My need for caffeine is so bad I`m going to AA for the free coffee
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it. I`m totally flexible.
I hate Russian nesting dolls. They`re so full of themselves
I have never faked a sarcasm in my entire life!
Me: There has to be a way I can lose weight! Friend: Eat healthy? Exercise? Me: No, that`s not it. Keep thinking! We`ll figure this out.
Today my role will be played by an overworked, under caffeinated, sarcastic, unstable, asshole. Consider this my disclaimer for the day.
Decided to get in touch with my feminine side today... I made myself a sandwich!
If there is a wrong place and a wrong time, I’ll be there.
“Yes” is a perfectly legitimate response when asked how many drinks you’ve consumed.
I live in fear that my death will somehow be connected to the opening of a pressurized Pillsbury cinnamon roll container.
Dear Autocorrect, She`s an amazing woman not an amazon woman. Thanks. And now I`m never getting laid.