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Sometimes it`s nice to know karma is still a feisty little b!tch.
I am not acting childish and you`re just a big doody-head.
I always say, "monring" instead of "good morning" because if it was a good morning, I`d still be in bed sleeping.
Not to brag, but I don’t need to smoke pot to get the munchies.
Girls probably spend more time thinking about what men think than men actually spend thinking.
Heat causes things to expand, so I`m not fat; I`m just hot.
It will be light. It will be dark. It will be light. It will be dark. It will be light. Then I`m back. Me, explaining a vacation to my cat.
There`s a lot of perks being a single parent, for one no witnesses.
Helpful Tip: You can’t get in trouble for leaving work early if you disable the security cameras and crawl out the air-conditioning duct.
Water is the most essential element of life, because without water, you can’t make coffee.
That`s disgusting! (unless you`re up for it?)
"What`s wrong?" "Oh it`s personal" Then, why`d you post it to Facebook.
All i ever see on facebook is LBR, TBH, LMS, and all that other crap...
If the zombie apocalypse happened in Vegas…would it “stay in Vegas”?
I just hope people who say "Jesus is my co-pilot" realize he`s a 1st century carpenter with no time in a flight simulator.