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Hey, somebody get ready to wake up the guy in Green Day.
Didja ever get to know someone so well, that you wish you didn`t know them at all????
When someone ask me... How are you?... I answer back... You mean in bed?
Republicans are red, Democrats are blue. The government is shut down cause neither one gives a damn about you.
You know its bad when you feel like your life is being directed by Quentin Tarantino.
My bank balance is a constant reminder that I`m safe from identity theft
I´m on a whisky diet. I´ve lost three days already!
Wish I turned into a wolf every month instead of getting my period
That moment when you wake up at 2 o`clock a.m and remember how crappy that after earth movie was and you go back to sleep immediately
Looking forward to `Breaking Bad` merchandise. Especially the cook book.
It`s a small world, but I wouldn`t want to paint it.
I wish I was full of tacos instead of feelings.
The true trollers are the ones who troll the trolls.
I pulled my wife`s panties to the side.......then put the rest of her socks in the drawer.
My goal weight is,"someone give that girl a cheeseburger."