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I was all "I`m not taking any sh!t from you" and she was all "to speak to a member of our customer service team, press 1".
You know its cold out ......when you go outside..... and it`s cold out
Insomnia causes questionable browser history.
There should be an "undo" button in an elevator for when you accidentally hit the wrong floor.
Sometimes I wonder how people who don`t have kids get their TV remotes from the other side of the room.
Spicy food is like BDSM for your mouth
My favorite all time cooking shows: 1. Iron Chef 2. Hell`s Kitchen 3. Breaking bad
You heard me right. I said:"Lets agree to disagree." It`s much more polite than:"Whatever, bitch."
I just lost another hour trying to figure out how to reset the clock in my car.
May you have a prosperous New Year. I may need to borrow money.
Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for — in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it.
When setting the table, does the remote go to the left or the right of the dinner plate?
Honk if you wanna see the finger
Opposites attract, that`s the trouble with being awesome
Finding out your ex got fat is like finding 20 bucks in your pocket. Not life changing but definitely puts a smile on your face.