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Why do TV shows say "May contain nudity"? It either does or doesn`t. Don`t make me watch the entire thing and find out the hard way it doesn`t....
You’d think with as much time women spend looking at their ass in the mirror, they would be able to reverse into a parking spot.
What Meatloaf wouldn`t do for love I would probably do for a six pack.
My wife is pissed at me again...appearently I am breathing wrong.
Married sext: I`m not wearing any underwear, because you never put the f*cking laundry in the dryer like I asked you to 100 times
Just got a Cheerio stuck between my toes walking through the kitchen. Clearly my dog isn`t doing his part of the chores around here
wants to come back as a bird after I die.... just so i can sh!t on the people who piss me off.
If you’re having second thoughts, you’re two ahead of most people.
You are the pebble in my shoe of people
“People will believe anything if you whisper it.”
Vodka isn`t the answer... but it makes you forget the question :P
What`s wrong with having your mind in the gutter all the time?! If it weren`t for the gutter, my mind would be homeless!!!
Life is to short ... to waste time matching socks.
People ask me why I don`t have tattoos. Seriously, would you put a bumper sticker on a Lambourghini?
I have noticed that everyone who is for abortion, has already been born.