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I hope Mexico doesn`t raise the cost of Tequila to pay for this wall.
Does ke$ha go by k€sha in Europe?
I`ve had frozen pizza and delivery pizza in the same day, b!tch you don`t know me.
I just burnt my tongue on my food. It made me realise that it’s the ones we love that hurt us the most.
Is life fair? Short answer, no. Long answer, nooooooo.
I`m not saying I hate you, but I`d unplug your life support to charge my phone.
Alcohol increases the Send Button size by 89%.
Sorry to burst your bubble, but your waiter doesn`t really think your choice was excellent.
I pointed to two hags sitting across the bar from us and told my friend "That`s us in 10 years". She said "That`s a mirror".
That awkward moment when you tell your parents something funny, but it turns into a life lesson.
Putting on deoderant and colonge because you haven`t showered in days, is as about as useful as shutting the lid on a toilet after its overflowing.
Marriage is supposed to be permanent. It`s like a tattoo that yells at you.
To a musician, a g-string means something completely different than it does to me. .
The girl at the Taco Bell drive thru gave me this “I know your high” look. I snatched my 37 crunchy tacos and got out of there.
Why can`t insomnia start in the morning.