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Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is an idiot.
The guy that discovered milk...What was he doing to that cow?
No children were harmed in making this status. Ignored perhaps, but certainly not harmed…
sometimes i look at people and think really, thats the sperm that won.
I gave my boyfriend a glue stick instead of a Chapstick last weekend, and he`s still not talking to me!
Dude, I can`t post AND know when the light turns green. I`m pretty, not magical.
Roughly 82% of my day is trying to decide what my next meal will be
Your selfie would be way better if you weren`t in it.
If you are offended by the opinions I express you can only imagine the ones I keep to myself.
Werewolves tend to transform only upon noticing a full moon already in the sky, implying the affliction is 100% psychological.
I`m pretty sure even Santa wishes they would stop playing Christmas music on the radio this time of year.
When I die, I am going to haunt the f*ck out of you people.
Please help control the pet population, have that special talk with your pet!
Moral compass? Is there an app for that?
Never do anything for money. Unless it’s a lot of money. Then do anything.