Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I just saw a hot mom at McDonalds spank her kid after he threw his fries on the ground, so I threw my fries on the ground too.
Stovetop Directions: 1.) Use microwave.
People say, “You have to work on a marriage.” I say, “No thank you. I already have a job
This complimentary lemonade at the doctor`s office tastes funny.
Stress from children can take 10 yrs off your life Drinking alcohol from stress can take another 10 yrs Based on my math, I died 5 yrs ago
You don’t realize how many people you hate until you have to name a baby or a dog...
If by angry birds you mean flipping off a$$holes while driving then yes I`m at the expert level of Angry Birds
Just spent 20 minutes on the treadmill without breaking into a sweat......tomorrow I might even switch it on!
I think it`s about time Taylor Swift wrote a song called "Maybe I`m the Problem"
I am convinced God only created six days and the devil added Monday.
Never piss off the person that cooks your dinner ... EVER!
I just realized that I haven`t done the "Hockey Pokey" in over 10 years. I guess when you get older, you just forget what it`s all about.
They`re called `selfies` because the only one who`s interested in them is yourself.
There`s no use worrying about things you can`t control. And the good news is, that`s pretty much everything.
I just bought some new deodorant yesterday. The instructions said to remove the top and push up bottom. My butt hurts now but every time I fart the room smells awesome.