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Step 1 - Change your Wi-Fi password to "blowmefirst." Step 2 - Wait for someone to ask you for it.
Didn`t ya`ll know awkward moments existed before? Damn, its like the Yolocaust all over again...
Marriage, because sometimes ruining a person`s life takes serious commitment.
I`m not ignoring you, I am simply giving you time to reflect on what an idiot you are being.
I wish I could just “like” a text so I don’t have to respond.
Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! -Librarians arguing
If you`re not procrastinating just a little, you`re not doing Saturday right.
Stand for what you believe in. Or sit on the couch and have a couple of donuts. It`s a free country really.
We all make mistakes .... I just do it better than everyone else.
Tonight I’m going to have my favorite drink. It’s called “a lot.”
Serving size ?? LMAO
Be the type of gentleman that holds the door open for your girl, but smacks her ass as she walks in.
Posting a status update before responding to someone`s text is the easiest way to let them know how unimportant they are.
I haven`t seen any new Bigfoot pictures in a while... I hope he`s OK.
The biggest lie I tell myself is “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it”