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Pretty fed up with the fact that pandemonium almost NEVER involves pandas.
If running away from my problems counts as exercise then yes, I work out a lot.
Apparently this Walmart cashier only brushes her favorite teeth.
If the NSA and IRS teamed up, I wouldn’t have to do my taxes.
My neighbours are loud and obnoxious. Now I know how Canada feels.
Mom: You haven`t moved since I left 5 hours ago? Me: Excuse me, where do you think these chips came from!!???
Am I the only one who would like to see Punxsutawney Phil bite off the finger of the person that wakes him up every Groundhog Day.
The closest I`ve come to being an athlete is using Adobe Acrobat.
Guys, if she says she`s crazy, she`s harmless. The real crazy ones never give you a damn clue.
My hobbies include but are not limited to getting drunk and commenting "LOL" on relationship statuses on Facebook.
Pretty much the most frightening part of my day is when I get a notification that my mother has tagged me in a post on Facebook.
I was worried my notifications had stopped working but luckily I’m just unpopular.
I googled "cigarette lighter" and got 150000 matches.
Keep your friends close and your unattractive enemies closer so you look better by comparison in pictures.
Alright, I give up! I`ve listened to the song like 50 times now, and I still don`t know what the fox is saying!