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I bought a $300 dollar tent so I can camp outside Best Buy for 3 days to save $20 on a TV.
I bring my kids to a romantic restaurant on Valentine`s day as a birth control reminder to the other couples.
Drinking lots of beer and doing my taxes. So far the Government owes me 3.1 million. I love this Country!
You know you are old when people keep telling you how young you look.
Whenever I hear the phrase `anything is possible`, I giggle and think about someone trying to slam a revolving door :)
If everything goes as planned, tonight I shall drink myself beautiful.
It`s amazing how the lowly potato gives us potato chips, french fries, and vodka. Get your sh!t together, every other vegetable.
Well it`s about time I get in line for that Star Wars movie
People with the loudest car audio systems usually have the worst taste in music.
Whenever I delete an App on my iPhone, The shaking icons make me feel like they`re all panicked over who`s getting deleted.
Being ‘clean and sober’ means I’ve showered and I’m headed to the liquor store.
The way my dog acts, you`d think his entire family was murdered by a vacuum cleaner.
Robots can do anything we set their mind to
I got rid of all the bad influence people in my life and now I`m bored.
I like to listen to mexican radio but I dont know what they are singing or saying so I just pretend they are singing about how awesome I am.