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I feel bad for lions at zoos. How would you feel if a bunch of pizzas came to your house, took your picture, and you couldn`t even eat them.
A wise man, will often say nothing
You`re so dumb you have to get naked to count to 21.
Someday we’ll look back on all this and pretend not to remember it.
Thank you Lord for this delicious meal we are about to Instagram.
The neighbor`s cat seems to think my flower bed is his litter box. I`ll fix that furry little bugger. I mixed 44 packages of pop rocks into the soil. And now we wait....
Best Relationship Advice: Make sure you’re the crazy one.
You can never really say `what`s on your mind` when you have family members on your Facebook.
I have no super powers. I`m guessing I`m the villain.
I`ve discovered two things today... 1. My cat looks so cute in people clothes. 2. I`m probably going to die alone.
Idea: maybe the police force for a town of 20,000 shouldn`t have access to weapons you ordinarily need cheat codes to get
People who sit and talk while their pizza is gets cold gives me anxiety.
The less you know, the more you think you do.
Every so often you come across a person who always smiles no matter what, that person is the reason why random bitch slaps should be a thing
My goal weight is,"someone give that girl a cheeseburger."