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Sometimes you have to burn a few bridges, to stop the weirdos from following you.
Stay positive ladies, maybe he just didn`t hear you the first 100 times.
Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.
Not to brag but my new mistress is a lingerie model. OK, fine. A mannequin. But she doesn`t talk much and I like that.
You can stay, but your clothes must go.
I just saw a guy with the Monster energy logo tattooed on his neck, so if your village is missing their idiot, we have him.
To understand paranoid people better, follow them around. Observe them. Write down notes.
Being a camera must be pretty cool. You get to sleep until there`s something cool to see.
If I ever win the lottery and someone asks me for money I`m going to give them a dollar and say "Here. Go play the Lottery. That`s what I did."
Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.
Jail is just the government`s way of sending you to your room.
My buddy told me he was going to Beerfest this weekend, I asked him where, he said "any bar I walk into!!!"
My posts come from a dark place.. I haven`t paid my light bill in 3 months.
Why is it always the same person getting in your way from start to checkout at the grocery store?
If your day was that bad, why do you assume we want to know about it?