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My friend named her female dog Karma... Karmas a bitch.
Yes I have a dirty mind ... And you`re on it!
Alcohol doesn´t solve any problems ... but then again, neither does milk.
When I become president I will make Monday a part of the weekend.
If you have ever sat in the toilet at work and wondered how long you can sit there before someone searches for you, the answer is 47 minutes
Nothing says "I`m behind on child support." like 26" spinning rims on an 86 Chevy Malibu.
I spend 60%of my day worrying that I might have mustard on my face or clothing. The other 40% I am eating mustard.
Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.
Destiny may decide who touches your Life. Your heart may decide who touches your Soul. But…Tequila decides who touches your body
My body is by no means a temple but it can be one heck of a amusement park ride...
Sometimes I wish you could order Karma like flowers and have it delivered.
If you didn`t want me looking in your bedroom than you never should have put your window at the same height as my ladder.
The world would be a cleaner place if we gave blind people brooms instead of canes...
Most friends with benefits have such high deductibles that you`ll always be paying way too much out of pocket.
To my neighbor using a chainsaw at 7:30 on a Sunday morning: Try holding the other end.