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Why is it that whenever there`s two women in a profile pic, the hot one is always someone else..?
So a year ago today I asked a really beautiful friend out on a date and today I asked her to marry me. She said no both times.
I always laugh at myself. If I didn´t, everyone else would be having fun without me.
I`ve reached that time of day between "coffee wearing off" and "murdering my co-worker."
Meditation never worked for me, so I tried something even better..."Beditation"! You lay down close your eyes and you wake up an hour and a half later!
I don`t get personal trainers. I`ve never been exercising and thought "man, I wish someone hot was criticizing me right now."
Weekends are like a orgasm.. It`s takes a lot to get there and when u finally do it`s over in no time
I`m getting sick of seeing all these lyric status`s, it reminds me of somebody that I used to know.
Sometimes the smartest thing you can do is play dumb.
If you give a man a fish you kinda suck at picking out gifts.
I`m awesome...just ask me...!!!!
Here`s a list of things I need you to accomplish without any resources to do them with. -management
Posting inspirational quotes online is the first sign to depression.
I`ll go to extreme lengths to get the last bit of toothpaste from the tube but I`ll also watch 2 hrs of Nick Jr if I can`t reach the remote.
Does running out of money count as exercise?