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I think the cats are hording all the single women out there...
eBay sellers - just because you`ve dug your suit/dress out of the back of your wardrobe doesn`t make it vintage. #JustOldAndSmelly
Getting married at 22 sounds alot like leaving the party at 9:30
The beauty of vodka is that it looks like water. The beauty of the workplace is that water bottles are allowed.
I fell off the wagon because I was too drunk to keep my balance
I have a life, I have the best life in the world. Oh wait sitting around watching Netflix and eating pizza rolls isn`t a life. I guess i was wrong then. :( bummer
"5 React 2 Gum-- Experiences may vary. Stimulate your senses!"-- Same effect as LSD, but chewier.
I try to live every day as though it were my last, and who wants to do laundry on the last day they’re alive?
Why is it called a menstrual calendar and not an egg timer?
Let`s share...you take the grenade and I`ll take the pin.
She said she was stripping to feed her kids but then got pissed when I started throwing canned goods at her
Hey babe, go to Google Earth, zoom in on your house. See that blue cap in the bushes? Hi!
It`s no fun having nothing to do, fun is having a lot to do and doing nothing.
They say milk is good for your teeth..you know what else is good for your teeth..minding your own damn buisness
B!tch, please! You`re so fake, even barbie is jealous of you