Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Don`t tell me I look tired unless you`re offering to carry me
Imagine being naked in a room full of people who speak a different language and everyone wants to touch you. That is the life of a dog.
"are you as bored as I am?" if you read that backwards, it still makes sense.
Right before I die, I am going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels to make the cremation a bit more interesting.
Today, I did it hard, I did it loud, it was wet, and I did it four times in a row. I wish I wasn’t talking about sneezing.
The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.
What if "I`m coming out with a new scent" was just a way for famous people to warn others that they were about to fart?
I saw a book titled Learning To Read For Dummies. At first I thought that sounded insulting, but then I realized anybody who would be insulted by that title wouldn`t even know what it says.
Why does using a straw make it so much harder to admit there’s no more soda?
I wish I was as skinny as I was the first time I thought I was fat.
Whatever you do in life, always give 100%...unless you`re donating blood...
Rump roast is called rump roast because nobody would eat it if it was called cow`s ass
Whenever I feel that someone is about to sneeze I yell “PIKA!” & they’re like “CHU!”. I don’t have any friends.
Common Sense is so rare, it should be classified as a super power.
I don`t understand the saying "you snooze you lose"... I hit the snooze button 8 times this morning and feel like a champion.