Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I just burned 1200 calories ... I forgot the pizza in the oven again.
I`m having fruit salad for dinner, well, it`s mostly grapes...crushed grapes ...ok, it`s wine, I`m having wine!
Is it a firm rule that you have to be an addict to check into rehab? Because that one in Malibu looks pretty nice.
People that say “money doesn’t buy happiness” obviously have never been divorced.
The awkward moment when you’re that one friend who always gives relationship advice but is still single.
I never make plans until I know how I am getting out of them.
After meeting me... my therapist is now in therapy...
I`m 42 years old and I still have no idea what I would do if a kangaroo entered my bedroom in the middle of the night.
Can we all just agree to start spelling it "Wensday"?
Going to tattoo shop to get both legs fully covered. Before he touches me with that needle, I run off yelling `thanks for the free shave loser!`
Dating Tip: If she hasn`t kissed you by the third date, she`s there for the food.
B!tches be trippin ... OK, maybe I pushed one.
When I was a kid...no wait, I still do that.
I hate people who take drugs ... Customs for example.
Don´t you just hate it when people say stuff in their status that you really didn´t want to know? I hate that. Anyway, I gotta go poop.