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Here`s an idea...You go away and I`ll stop ignoring you.
I thought I was having déjà vu, but it turns out I do the exact same things every day.
My internet goes out more than I do.
My body keeps doing these muscle twitches like it wants me to get off this couch and move around. HAHAHAHA. As if.
My wife made me coffee this morning & winked at me when she handed me the cup. I`ve never been more scared of a drink in all my life.
this is a status you spent your time reading: sj
This year rather than candy for your valentine why not liquor instead.
I hate it when I`m trying to take a selfie and somebody calls my camera.
Being gay is fine. Being lesbian is fine. Being straight is fine. But do you know what’s not fine? Wearing crocs. That is NOT okay
My parents never asked me to run away from home, but there were many unexplained one way tickets.
It`s time to take the next big step in my relationship by popping the question to my girlfriend ....will you get me a beer :) (<>..<>)
It`s hard to focus on a home workout when your home also contains a refrigerator full of delicious food
Sometimes.. late at night... I fill my bathtub with tomato sauce and pretend I am a meatball.
You know you should goto sleep when the sheep you`re counting start hitting the fence.
I end a sentence with `just saying` because ending with `dumba$$` would be offensive.