Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don`t always play candy crush. But when I do, I have tourettes like a motherf*cker.
There´s a thin line between "I should do a status update about that" and "I should talk to a therapist about that"
I`m not as smart as I used to be but then again you can`t stay a teenager all of your life.
I hate when people post lyrics from songs, but I will survive.
The right man will love you unconditionally, will be loyal, and will always be happy to see you. ... Oh wait, That`s my dog. My dog does that.
As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I say unto myself I SHALL NEVER... USE APPLE MAPS AGAIN...
Fact: Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, baconless, cheeseburgerless, meatless years.
A procrastinator`s work is never done...
Why is it that when you work very hard, you say you are working like a dog? Every dog I`ve ever known is lazy and sleeps 16 hours a day.
The hardest part about being humble is not telling people how much better I am than they are.
When someone says I love you over the phone and you don`t feel the same, just say `I love youtube` but say it really fast!
Thanks for sharing your moon with me on Instagram. We don`t have a moon where I live.
I put on real clothes today. What more do you want from me?
I`ve run out of things to be upset about. I hope Justin Bieber has kids soon.
The wife has been missing a week now, police said to prepare for the worst, so I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.