Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
can´t seem to find love. but its okay. I know exactly where the beer is.
I commend any woman for going into labor outside a hospital setting. If I have to poop anywhere besides my own bathroom I go into panic mode
Dear neighbor mowing your yard this morning, I found my bagpipes for tonight.
It must really suck to take life so seriously that you can’t enjoy it.
If a bag is not resealable then it contains one serving. I don`t make the rules.
The Zoo is a safe place to fart.
If a Police Officer says, Anything you say will be taken down & used as evidence... Your answer should always be, Please don`t hit me again officer...
Just saw a car at McDonalds take 4 tries to get lined up in a parking space. I`m not judgmental, so I won`t assume what sex she was.
I thought there was a spider on the rug, but it was just some yarn. It’s dead yarn now, though.
If you still wear a Calculator watch, my guess is you don’t need it to add up all the ladies you get….
Scientists have yet to explain how 300 people can be working at a Wal-Mart but only 4 registers will be open.
I like to Party! ... and by Party I mean take Naps
The sooner one of you ladies takes ‘one for the team’ and becomes my girlfriend, they sooner I leave the REST of you alone!
If I lived everyday like it was my last, the body count would be staggering.
My boss yelled at me yesterday "It`s the fifth time you`ve been late to work this week! Do you know what that means?!" I said, "Probably that it`s Friday?"…