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Saw a midget go into a store while wearing a KKK outfit and thought... That`s a little racist.
The circus may no longer come to town but at least we’re guaranteed to always see a few clowns in Washington.
I finally got some "me time" being away from the kids. Two whole hours. Would have gotten more, but my knees started getting numb from crouching behind the dryer.
When I die I want my body donated to science, but more specifically a scientist who is working on bringing dead guys back to life…
The cable company told me they would send a guy out and I need to be home between the hours of 1pm and 2015.
ah... Crocs the 21st century version of the chastity belt
"Grapey." -me after every wine at the wine-tasting
I prefer not to think before I speak. I like being just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.
I was all ears until you said something that sounded like advice.
I`m kind of like Hugh Hefner. Only without the mansion, the exotic cars, the girls, the magazine and the money. Basically, I`m just a guy in a bathrobe.
It`s pretty neat how owning a pool gives me an excuse to own every chemical needed to make a body completely disappear.
If you cannot FACE your problem, then the problem is your FACE.
Does running away from your problems count as exercising? If it is, then I`m one hell of a fitness freak
Alcohol may not be able to give you a loving hug when you need it but the Liquor Mart employee`s you`re buying it off of sure can.
Going through the dealership lot with the salesman, pointing at every car and asking, "what kinda robot does that one turn into?"