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It`s real cute how pedestrians confuse "right of way" with immortality.
Hello 911? Do you think i`m pretty?
My ex-girlfriend said she broke up with me because I was childish and immature. I think it`s because she`s a big dumb stinkyhead that`s jealous of my awesome Transformers collection.
Due to inflation, a picture is now only worth 700 words.
Guys that try to pick up girls on facebook are pathetic. Girls if you agree, message me your number so we can talk about it.
My neighbor was singing in the shower again this morning. I didn’t mind though as I can`t hear anything through the telescope.
I honestly have a fear that one day I`ll leave my house and not be wearing any pants!
My bank lets me send a text message and it´ll text back with my balance. It´s a cool feature but I didn´t think the LOL was necessary.
They say that alcohol kills slowly. So what! Who wants to be in a hurry?!?
Over 500 channels and not a DAMN THING to watch! I suppose I should subscribe to some of them...
When butterflies fall in love, do they feel humans in their stomachs.
If we aren`t meant to have late night snacks then why is there a light in the fridge.
I`ve dieted and worked out enough to realize that the only way I`m getting smokin` hot is by getting cremated.
Some days it´s not worth chewing through the straps.
It’s a holiday. You know what that means… Ten million status updates saying the exact same thing. Get ready.