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Don`t hate me because I think I`m beautiful.
Laugh now because when I die, I`m coming back to haunt you.
I have every episode of Hoarders saved on DVD.
You say I’m dirty minded, but how did you understand what I meant?
Spent $50 on E-bay to enlarge my happy place. The creep sent me a magnifying glass.
I am a very very very bad influence ... In a good way.
who`s smart idea wus it to name a monkey Donkey Kong??
My life is based on a true story
keep scrolling I`ve got nothing....
People often mistake me for being a good listener. The truth is, I really just don`t want to talk.
I like when job applications have a “Some College” option so they know I’m an aimless loser.
My school always awarded dictionaries to the spelling bee winners. Which was weird because it should actually be awarded to the losers.
Earlier this morning, I was invited to join an XXX Facebook group. I was somewhat intrigued until I realized it was a group for guys who like to wear really really big shirts.
New philosophy on life: Do unto others, then run like hell.
So apparently RSVP-ing to a wedding invite with "Maybe next time" wasn`t the best response. Who knew?