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They’re called scents, not flavors, I should not able to taste your perfume or cologne.
My husband is not allowed to help with math anymore. Apperently 4 = 6.5 in his reality.
An apple a day is bullsh!t. Apples are dangerous. Just look at Eve, Snow White, Blackberry or any pig at a luau.
Tis the season to throw your diet out the window.
Damn girl, are you a Snickers bar, because you`re so sweet and satisfying and surprisingly hard and ... hold on, are those nuts?
In a perfect world Taco Bell would deliver...
To make a long story short quit right in the middle.
Very few things upset my wife. So, it makes me feel rather special to be one of them.
It’s actually the voices outside my head that bothers me the most
I don`t live paycheck to paycheck. I live paycheck to four days before paycheck...
Sometimes, when people are talking to me, I daydream about what they would do if I suddenly punched them in the face.
People think that a girl`s dream is to find her perfect guy & be with him forever... That`s Crap! A girl`s dream is to eat without getting fat.
A recent report shows that people who smoke weed get into 85% fewer car crashes than drunk people. Obviously. It`s a lot easier to see what`s coming when you`re only driving at eleven miles an hour.
Keep honking. I´m reloading.
Ummm,, Can we just admit we may have taken this anybody can grow up to be President thing a bit too far.