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Going to drink straight from the carton because I`m a badass!
Your car took up two spaces, I tried to move it over with my key.
If life Sucks, what makes you think death doesn`t Blow??
Back in my day, we didn’t have computers or the internet. Everyone had to walk uphill for days to tell me I’m an a$$hole.
Ever since I installed Adblocker, I have been severely depressed. Hot singles in my area are no longer interested in me.
The next time someone asks me what I`m doing, I`m gonna reply "I`m breathing 2 stay alive how about u"?
Still no news on the royal baby. One will assume its being delivered by Royal Mail
I stopped going to AA because all of their stories were about how they hit rock bottom by waking up next to me.
With names like "Batman" and "Robin", you`d think they could fly...
I`m paying my taxes with a smile, but they wrote me back saying they want cash.
I`m saving all my good posts for when I can think of some.
I`m glad the Eclipse is over so I can go back to staring directly into the sun.
The toughest part of a lesbian relationship is deciding who gets to be the one who`s always right.
I put the PRO in inappropriate!
I`m at my most cardio when I am moving the treadmill into storage