Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I thought the movie `fast & furious` was about my sex life. I`m fast, my wife is furious.
Are you reading this from a toilet? I’m writing this from one.
Cubic Zirconium`s slogan should be: Guys can fake it too!
Hi, you`ve reached my voicemail. Send me a text like a normal person.
I was sitting in traffic the other day. That’s probably why I got run over.
Drunk people are the only honest ones left.
Do you ever just sit there and think “why am I not rich”?
I`d be super embarrassed if people saw my google history but only because its all words I should really know how to spell by now
WANTED: Someone to follow me around and whisper "You`re an adult" every few minutes.
I told my wife that I have a sexual satisfaction guarantee policy. If you`re not completely satisfied, we`ll just do it all over again. Guaranteed.
Today is national I don`t feel like doing sh!t today. Celebrate accordingly.
My favorite part of the Bible is when God gives humans free will, then kills them with a flood because they didn`t act the way he wanted.
Elderly people used to always nudge me at weddings and say "You`re next."What got them to stop is when............I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
What are the strongest days of the week? Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.
I`d take a stupid dog over a stupid person any day.