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No matter how many lasagna’s you stack on top of each other, ultimately it’s always just one lasagna
I thought my name was "Stop encouraging him" until I was 11.
I pretend I’m taking an important call and use big words when old people walk by so they’ll think the future is in good hands.
For the first time in my years of working I have been hard at work all day......dammm those pills!!!!
My idiot future husband is out there somewhere pushing a pull door. I just know it.
The guy blaring the self help CD at the red light in the rusted car with no bumpers wasn`t amused when I said, "I don`t think it`s working"
So bored at work I can`t even think of something to goggle
I`ll be damned if after the 5 longest minutes of my life i am going to "allow to cool in microwave for 1 minute"!
You got your chocolate in my peanut butter!
I saved over $1000.00 on Black Friday. I stayed home and didn`t shop.
The girl at the Taco Bell drive thru gave me this “I know your high” look. I snatched my 37 crunchy tacos and got out of there.
I noticed tonight that I was the hottest cashier at the self checkout line.
No matter how fast you run, the serial killer always walks faster.
With all the new car technology you would think someone could invent a side mirror that could show where an object actually appears.
Do you ever just look at someone and think "Wow, let me take off your pants."