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The best nicknames are the ones you don’t even know you have.
"I`m on my way." -People who haven`t even left the house yet.
This girl says she wants me to butter her muffin.. I don’t even know what that means but now I’m hungry.
"Baby on Board" Oh really? Thanks for letting me know. I was about to ram into your car but now I won`t.
There’s nothing better than when someone you know walks by without recognizing you.
You win some, you lose some, and if you`re lucky, you get some.
Patience Is When Playing TETRIS And U Let Those Bricks Fall On Their Own Without Speeding Them Down
I`m glad the Dentist calls me the day before to remind me to cancel my appointment.
My ex warned me that I would never find a girl like her again....THANK GOD!
At the start of every relationship many girls treat their boys as a GOD but later the alphabets are reversed
If you laid out all of the people in the world who were ever mean to me, I could then drive my car over them.
The phrase "Don`t take this the wrong way." has a zero percent success rate.
I just met the most interesting man at the laundromat And then I realized that he can`t even afford a washer or a dryer
The only thing I drink from a shot glass nowdays is Maalox.
The decline of civilization started when they stopped putting toys in boxes of cereal.