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I may be crazy, but crazy is better than stupid.
Girls probably spend more time thinking about what men think than men actually spend thinking.
Remember, pretty much all of the “tough guys” you see on TV and movies were theater majors in college.
Isn`t it ironic that crocodiles like water and people who wear Crocs are douchbags. Ok, maybe I don`t know what ironic means.
went to vegas: put a coin in the machine and a prize came out, put another coin and another prize came out...problem is i don`t know what to do with all these empty cans now.
Apparently, 4 people die every year trying to put their pants on... - me, explaining to my (ex)boss why I went in with no pants
You know what makes sex awesome? Actually having it.
I`ve just realised that I`ve got one of those cool body types that can eat whatever I want and get fat.
I just saw a guy take a bite of Kit Kat bar without breaking it apart first! Sir, we live in a society with rules, please adhere to them.
If he pauses a video game to text you, he`s probably already losing, no need to feel special or anything,
Dear women at Walmart with 6 screaming kids: if your wondering how that box of condoms got in your cart.... Your welcome!
I’m not saying I’m psychic, but I’m positive I will have no interest in what you’re about to say.
My diet could best be described as, "unchaperoned child at a birthday party."
Sent an email to my Mom. Now I`m at her place showing her how to open it.
Remember, life isn`t about accumulating stuff. It`s about making people insanely jealous of your stuff.