Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Could you please put your screaming baby on vibrate.
If I told you I loved you, would you believe me or just stand there freaking out about me being in your closet?
I like to take, long, romantic walks, to the fridge. <3
Does "Can I take your order?" sometimes mean "Let`s start a new life together" or am I reading too much into this?
"Let the chips fall where they may." -My kids when they`re eating chips on the couch.
The guy who invented the Time Machine has just died.... RIP DAVE JONES 2187-2014
eHarmony matched me with a bean bag chair with duct tape on it
I can`t stand people who use song lyrics in their status` because they remind me of sombody that I used to know
You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment when you know that you aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
You can get super human strength when put in life or death situations. Last night I uncorked a bottle of wine with my teeth during a tantrum...
I just ran a .003048K
No cowboy in the world can out draw a grandmother pulling a baby picture out of her wallet.
Well, well, well. Guess who the grocery store asked to come back soon.
Mattel is launching a new Facebook Barbie. She looks like a stunning hot blonde on the package but is an old fat guy when you open the box.
100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses. The stables have turned.