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The only "B" word you should call a woman is "beautiful"... B!tches love being called beautiful.
Just because you think it`s a bad idea doesn`t mean we won`t have a good time.
Couldn`t stop thinking about that drought on the west coast while I was watering my driveway today.
I will never be to old to laugh when somone farts in a public bathroom peeing..
Yes, bitches be trippin’ but maybe I pushed one.
Weekends are like a orgasm.. It`s takes a lot to get there and when u finally do it`s over in no time
Your selfie would be way better if you weren`t in it.
If you`re wondering why you`re single, date someone. You`ll remember
They used to be called "jumpolines" until you jumped on one...
Giving people the finger while driving just isn`t effective. Which is why I had the catapult installed.
All those years of getting horrible elementary school pictures was just society`s way of preparing you for your driver`s license photo.
Sometimes my life feels like a 40 year long episode of Punk`d...
I cannot turn water into wine but, I can turn ice cream into breakfast so that’s pretty neat.
When someone rings the doorbell I say to my kids, "I think it`s Santa Claus!" so I don`t have to get up.
The point of no return sounds like a fun vacation spot.