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I have a hidden talent......I really wish I could find it!
If I cover my phone at work with Preparation H, would it filter out the `pains in the butts` from calling?
To the squirrel carrying the mushroom up a tree to his nest: you may want to eat that with your feet firmly on the ground, buddy.
I am the bestest at the English language...
"Let`s give the bad guy a ponytail." - 80s movies
If you receive an e-mail that says: ``FREE JUSTIN BIEBER CONCERT TICKETS`` Don`t open it! It may contain free Justin Bieber concert tickets.
People I hate are not allowed to be funny.
Thought of the day! Calling me a crazy bitch will only encourage me to prove you right...
When you are arguing with an idiot, make sure the other person isn`t doing the same thing.
When I go to the gas station I always get two kinds of drinks so it appears I actually have a friend..I think they`re catching on though.
Non alcoholic beer is like porn movie on a radio
Why did they send me to this white room? Do they think I`m crazy? Do they think I`m ...HOLY CRAP THE WALLS ARE FLUFFY!!!
Maybe one day a loooong time ago a kid decided to play hide and seek with his pet Bigfoot but just didn`t explain the game properly.
If Facebook has taught us anything, it`s that a lot of people are not quite ready for a Spelling Bee.
A roman walks into a bar. He holds up two fingers and says "Five beers please."