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Cashiers are always checking me out.
My RSVP : I`ll be attending your wedding alone but consuming enough cake and alcohol for at least two.
Every year new words are added onto the dictionary, yet no new positions are added to the karma sutra.
Lake Superior really needs to lose the attitude.
I love Alfredo sauce ... Unless you`re a dude named Alfredo.
I think...therefore, I am.....single
“Oh boy, I can’t wait to be productive today.” – said no one ever
You know what would make my cubicle super cute? Fire.
Dating Tip: If she hasn`t kissed you by the third date, she`s there for the food.
I don`t burn bridges. I just loosen the bolts a little bit each day.
90% of being a dad is yelling about doors being left open while the air conditioning is running.
Man I love watching women`s curling in the Olympics. It`s the only time I get to drink beer while cheering on women sweeping and no one slaps me.
Part of me wants to help you with your crisis, but part of me wants to go to happy hour.
I have read so much about the dangers of drinking and smoking, that i have decided to quit reading
Tip to reduce weight, first turn your head to the left and then turn it to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.