Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I talked to my mom, and she said she probably hadn`t had sex with any of you guys. Damn dirty liars.
CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE: Oh... I have nothing to say, I just crave the spotlight.
The day I can get a correct order at a fast food establishment is the day I will support an increase in minimum wage.
Holding up score cards during sex is not acceptable, apparently.
If you`re happy and you know it, thank your ex.
Guys...dont mess up and buy her the wrong brand of vacuum cleaner for Valentines Day this year. Spend a little extra for a really good one ... Just tring to help.
The main thing I learned from watching my wife carve pumpkins is she’s really good at stabbing things. I should probably be nicer to her.
I might not be smarter than a 5th grader, but I can buy beer.
Please no one tell me what happens on the NFL today; I`m still on Season 8.
The most frustrating thing I`ve ever tried to do was throw away a trash can.
Answering your cell when you don`t recognize the number is like picking up a hitchhiker.
I`m not just living paycheck to paycheck. I`m living from paycheck to change jar to scrap aluminum to liquor store to paycheck.
I’m on a forgotten-name basis with quite a lot of people.
Do Me: a favor. - Punctuation is important.
Occasionally, I like to take a look through my old status updates and smile at my sparkling wit.