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I pretend I don`t care but deep down I really still don`t care.
I bought a used UPS truck. It gets bad gas mileage but I can park anywhere.
There are a few people I`d like to go to bed with but I can`t think of a single person I`d like to wake up with.
People who get offended on the internet are the same people that take mini golf seriously.
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
I don`t understand those couples that fight and a minute later change their facebook status to "single." I fight with my parents but you don`t see me change my status to "orphan."
On a scale of 9 to 10, how would you rate me?
didn`t get much sleep last night, I tried counting sheep but they kept cutting in line, confused the hell outta me!!
If I were Noah, I’d be grabbing two of every bottle of alcohol
Trust me , as you get to know me , i just get weirder.
Did you know you can buy live lobsters? Anyway, can I use your shower mine is full of lobsters.
I still sing my ABC’s to see which letter comes first.
I hate sneezing during sex, as it alerts the neighbours and lets them know I`m watching.
You call it camping. I call it getting drunk with insects.
Wouldn`t ventriloquists be a lot cooler if they could throw their farts?