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I thought Match .com was a place to arrange fights to the death, but turns out it`s a website to find love. So I was close.
I`m so hungry I could Instagram a horse.
When people with multiple personality disorders are about to die, whose life flashes before their eyes?
All I`m saying is why blame it on being lazy when you can blame it on being old?
Finding friends with the same mental disorder as you ... Priceless
If I don`t remember what I did, don`t ruin it for me by reminding me.
How do I like my eggs? ... Ummm, in a cake
Apparently my socks never remember “The Buddy System” whenever I wash them.
Have you ever ate something so good that you do a little happy dance while your eating it?
My favorite part about your rant on how much you hate social media sites was when you posted it from a social media site.
With the right person, there is no such thing as inappropriate behavior.
Eating Popcorn: 90% during the trailers. 10% during the movie.
I`ll be there in a second I just gotta finish writing this letter of apology to a club owner for tearing up his dance floor last night..
Using dog shampoo when I run out of cat shampoo because I ran out of human shampoo a week ago.
You`re such a slut, the only reason why you wear panties is to keep your ankles warm.