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Every time I get an eyelash in my eye, I`m reminded of how quickly I would die in the wild
This dishwasher sucks. It`s already ruined three of my paper plates.
No one is ever bored enough to start studying.
If things always went according to a plan…. life wouldn’t be interesting.
Kinda surprised I`m not an action figure by now.
This sushi restaurant has the worst service. "Sir, this is an aquarium"
Nothing like working out to make you feel like you deserve that burger and fries.
I was just thinking, which is the biggest thing I plan on accomplishing today.
Half-Drunk is a waste of money.
Mac & Cheese doesn`t contain many vitamins, so it`s important you always eat a bunch of it.
i only drink on days that end with y
Part of me wants to help you with your crisis, but part of me wants to go to happy hour.
My last boyfriend used to smile and say "I love you" to me every morning as he left for work. At least I think that`s what he was saying. It can be tricky to lip read through binoculars.
My dad use to take me to the circus to see the clowns, freakshows and the bearded lady. Now... I can see them anytime shopping at Walmart.
I`d explain it to you again but I`m fresh out of crayons and puppets