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Just once I’d like to learn something the easy way.
That weird moment when u just say "what`s up " to someone and they thing you`re a shrink.
Every cigarette you smoke takes 5 minutes off your student loan debt.
I never sign anything until I pretend to read it first..
Somebody needs to invent a voice-activated refrigerator on wheels.
Mission Impossible: Ordering something at Subway without saying, "ummmm".
I bought a huge plastic Christmas tree today! the shop assistant asked me if I was going to put it up myself? I told him "Don`t be stupid, i`m gonna put it in the lounge room"
If only I did everything with the same precision in which I craft my sandwiches.
I think I speak for everyone when I say we hate being spoken for.
I wake up everyday planning to be productive and then a voice in my head says “haha good one” and we laugh and laugh and take a nap.
Do Hostess employees have Snowball fights?
It bothers me when I see tax money wasted on signs telling deer where to cross the road.
I just googled Magnum condoms and I swear I could hear Siri laughing.
"It`s not about who`s right or wrong."~ The person that is wrong
Nobody looks back at their life and remembers the nights they got plenty of sleep.