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In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God or man has rested.
My favorite outdoor activity is going back inside.
Urban Dictionary has saved me from asking so many awkward questions.
It`s tough being a people person when you can`t stand most people.
If I ran the country, things would be a lot better ... Well, for me anyway.
Synonym: Word used in place of the one you can`t spell.
How many divorced guys does it take to change a lightbulb?...........Who cares, they NEVER get the house anyways
Quick question, ladies: If you shave your eyebrows off and then draw them back on, what the heck are you doing?
I`m not always rude. Sometimes I`m sleeping.
My Dr said I am a sex addict. I ask him how he knew and he said you are a man.
Before asking a hot chick out, I wish I could first talk to the dude who`s sick of her bullsh!t.
I`m beginning to think that my destiny in life is just to be a bad example that other people can learn from.
Please just put it in the fridge.... We`ll throw it away next week.
Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Ms. Pacman, for 25 cents that b*tch swallowed balls till she died.
When I die, I’d like someone to keep updating my Facebook status, just to freak people out… “Hey, who knew they had Wi-Fi up here?”