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Happy 1 year anniversary to the Lean Cuisine in my freezer!
If I won the lottery, I don`t think I would change much. I`d still be the same asshole, just one in a helicopter.
I just burned 1200 calories ... I forgot the pizza in the oven again.
Sometimes it`s nice to know karma is still a feisty little b!tch.
Stay positive ladies, maybe he just didn`t hear you the first 100 times.
"It`s not a pyramid scheme" is a phrase almost exclusively used by people involved in pyramid schemes
I bet spongebob will get his license before Taylor Swift finds love.
My face is a 4, my personality is a 6, so basically, I`m a 10.
I drink because people talk.
Hate when my GF asks me to hold her purse at the grocery store line cause I really don`t like being that guy holding two purses.
This morning I got in touch with my inner self. And that`s also the last time I`ll buy cheap toilet paper...
There`s both a McDonald`s and a blood pressure machine at our Walmart. Circle of life.
When I think of all the money I’ve spent on booze in my life, I wish I had it all back. Imagine all the booze I could buy!
I finally got some medication for my Attention Deficit Disorder. Now if I could just remember the name of it and where I left it at.
People like you are the reason people like me take pills.