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In a weird twist,,, The longer I stay at home,,, The more homeless I look.
My friend works at a rubber dog poop factory. He`ll never get rich, but he makes doo.
It takes a brave man to admit when his wife is wrong .
Not to brag, but I can spend hours coming up with reasons not to do something that takes 5 minutes.
Ah Friday...my second favorite "F" word!
The only thing I hate about beer is that there`s absolutely nothing I hate about beer... :)
Oh well, this time isn`t going to procrastinate itself.
I went for a run but came back home after 2 minutes because I forgot something. I forgot that I`m fat and can`t run for more than 2 minutes.
When I think of a SELFIE, I`m not sure it`s the same thing you`re thinking of...
Sorry, when I said I have the stamina of an NBA player in bed I meant I take 10 timeouts in the final 2 minutes.
What is Warm, Soft, Sticky and has a Hole in the middle? It`s a Fresh donut. I was way off on that one!
The Roomba vacuum cleaner just beat me to a piece of popcorn I dropped on the floor & this is how the war against the machines begins.
Your clothes are making me extremely uncomfortable. Please, take them off.
Sent an email to my Mom. Now I`m at her place showing her how to open it.
The quality of a good neighbour is not seeing them often.