Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Stop saying `all the men are the same` who told you to try them all..WHORE!!?¿
If that was me in the movie Taken, my dad would have missed the call and texted me 3 days later asking if I have a girlfriend yet.
Your license plate should be your phone number... So when you drive like a dumbass, I can let you know about it.
Jehovah`s Witnesses, Improving my hiding skills since 1974.
Don`t be embarrassed by who you are. Unless you`re stupid. Then you`re pretty much screwed.
I only call them yoga pants because Netflix and eat leftovers pants was too long.
Do you ever feel like you`re in Season 5 of your life, and the writers are just doing outrageous stuff to keep it interesting?
If you scream in a library, people just look at you funny. If you scream on an airplane, everyone joins in.
Men think they have it bad, but they`re not the ones having to hold their boobs when they run.
When I was little my dad had me convinced that the Ice Cream truck only played music when it was sold out. Well played Dad, well played.
Does this 50 pound bag of cat food make me look single?
Not that I expect 100% truth in advertising, but shouldn’t those women in the tampon commercials be wielding chainsaws and burning stuff down, not laughing and dancing?
Nobody pissed me off today... I got to get out more.
Shouldn’t the Air and Space museum be empty?
Sometimes I wish you could order Karma like flowers and have it delivered.