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They sell Harvard shirts at Target so that’s a good way to save $ 399,984.05.
I can tell exactly how much someone weighs by how much noise they make when I push them down the stairs.
Warning: this life contains strong language, adult situations and nudity.
Call me an optimist, but I always viewed my cup as half full…of Vodka!!
My idiot future husband is out there somewhere pushing a pull door. I just know it.
Michael Schumacher`s former crew just visited him in the hospital. They changed the wheels on his bed and his drip in 4.4 secs.
“I demand a recount.” – Me, in a nugget dispute at McDonald’s.
Attractive Woman: What time is it? Me: Haha. Yeah definitely
When Life rains on your parade, get out the Slip-n-Slide.
Since it is the day to give thanks, I would like to say once again...you`re welcome.
Oh, so you are thinking about me? I am also thinking about myself.....
If at first you don`t succeed, you`ll get a lot of free advice from folks who didn`t succeed either.
When I ask a girl I like why she and her ex broke up and she says "we just didn`t work out" I already know I have no chance since I hate working out
I`m having an out of money experience.
The other night, I posted on Facebook I was going to sleep shirtless. The next day I logged on and saw 7 mosquitoes "like" this.