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I want my next girl to be crazy but more "Lets have sex in public" crazy rather than "I throw hot coffee in your face" crazy.
I`ve been married to my wife 10 years today. Having sex with just one person in 10 years is pure dedication. I don`t know how she does it.
I just got off the couch and I think I accidentally did yoga or some $hit.
Teaching your dog to fetch a beer is smart. Fetching it from the neighbours house is genius.
Hardest question in a relationship, "What do you feel like eating?"
The girl in the car next to me is totally checking me out. I think she likes me. After I`m done picking my nose, I`m gonna smile and wave.
I`ve been running as fast as I can, but I still can`t catch my breath.
Be wary of someone who calls all their exes crazy. They`re probably the reason.
1 in 3 Americans, weighs as much as the other 2.
There is no peer pressure like washing your hands because someone else walked into the bathroom.
My life is a very complicated drinking game
Those who tell you not to run with scissors are just trying to steal your scissors. Run.
How many times do I have to say "excuse me" before "get the f*ck out of my way" becomes acceptable?
"I trust my boyfriend, I would never go thru his phone" -girls who can`t figure out boyfriend`s passwords
Ok ... I just had a talk with myself, and it did not go well. Now I`m grounded.