Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My horoscope started with `are you sitting down?`
If a guy runs his fingers through your hair, there is a 33.3% chance you are being used as a napkin.
Just seen a sign reading "PAY ATTENTION WHILE WALKING your Facebook status update can wait". While on Facebook on my phone. While walking...
iOS 8 let`s you passcode lock specific apps? It`s fun imagining how many break ups that will cause.
You want to piss off a woman? Hide one shoe.
The best job ever? Sleeping Beauty at Disney World. You just lay down all day. If anyone bothers you, it`s like excuse me, I`m working here.
My neighbors look at me in a very weird way.. it’s like they never saw a guy with binoculars before.
TEIAM - problem solved
A sign on the wall of the drug store said, "Ask the pharmacist if you have questions." How would the pharmacist know if I have questions?
You can`t fight Destiny. Because if you try to fight Destiny, then you have to fight the bouncers and the rest of the strippers too...
If a woman asks if you "notice anything new" tell her "I do, your beauty surprises me every day." Then continue thinking about velociraptors
There`s no use worrying about things you can`t control. Except for bodily functions...Hopefully you can control THEM. :/
I forgive and forget, because I have a good heart, and a terrible memory.
I bought a pair of Meatloaf underwear today. On the front they say `I would do anything for love`. On the back, `But I wont do that!`
Well, it`s easy to tell I`m single. It`s Saturday night and I`m at home updating my facebook status...