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is 100% sure that you are looking at my status. (:
Whatever I did to make you hate me, I’d like to know. I have other people I can use that on.
Whoever is bringing me the 3 dozen donuts each morning, thank you. But could you just leave them on my desk and not in the break room?
Halfway through singing a romantic ballad to my cat, it occurred to me that I`m going to die alone.
There’s always that one person that catches you doing something weird.
It`s not their fault, per se, but at some point, Crayola has to be held responsible for continuing to make crayons nostril-width.
There`s a lot of perks being a single parent, for one no witnesses.
Scientist Proved That There are more Than 124786534688644478 People Living In This world who are Too Lazy To Read The Above Number...!!!
If you eat doughnuts fast enough your Fitbit thinks you`re walking.
There are so many scams on the Internet now. Send me $19.95 and I will tell you how to avoid them.
I get very annoyed when people mix up there, they`re and their. From now on I`m going to point it out, weather they like it or not.
My favorite mythical creature is the happy b*tch in tampon commercials.
Today I heard a guy on the street say, `It`s chowder season, baby!` so I pushed him in front of a bus because those are awesome last words
Do you ever get the feeling that you`re being watched? Because if it`s bothering you, I`ll stop.
Black holes must be where God divided by zero.