Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My son and his friends are great ... They always spray the house with air freshener before I get home.
I wrote a song about a tortilla actually its more of a wrap.
Lady: what Colour are my eyes? Man: 34D
The object of golf.... is to play the least amount of golf.
Never take a laxative and a sleeping aid on the same night. dont ask me why.
I know it`s rude to ask someone about their pregnancy if you`re unsure, but my hubby looks about 4 months along & the suspense is killing me
Behind every great women is a man checking out her a$$
I like when google answers my stupid questions because it means I’m not the only one asking google stupid questions.
I grew up living paycheck to paycheck. But through hard work and perseverance, I now live direct deposit to direct deposit.
I would’ve slept my way to the top years ago if it actually involved sleeping.
Why are you walking away when we`re in the middle of discussing our wedding plans? Come back! ... At least give me your number!
Today`s the day I like to sneak onto the intercom at Walmart and say "would Jason Voorhees please report to aisle 13."
You want me to smile? How can I smile when 28% of Americans aren`t getting enough fiber?
I keep seeing all these commercial on TV about working out and getting "ripped" in 90 days.. Give me a bottle of Jack Daniels and I`ll get ripped in 15 minutes
One thing the porn industry has taught me is that this summer I defiantly need to get a job as a poolboy.